POST 9: CINDERELLA DID GO TO THE BALL…

As promised…

As I have hammered into you all since I started writing my blog, Saturday May 2nd saw Lox of Love, my family’s business, and I, host Cinderella’s Charity Ball at Wynyard Hall. Seeing as I have been rabbitting on about it for a while, I thought it was only fair that I share the evening with you all.

The organisation of it all was, at times, quite traumatic. I was so desperate for it to be an enjoyable evening and raise a load of money for BTRC and I am a perfectionist, so was determined to make it MINT. Fortunately, all the stress seemed 100% worth it.

To set the scene; we chose the beautiful venue of Wynyard Hall, so the wow factor was there right away on arrival for our ball guests. The red carpet was laid at the front entrance, and stood either side of this carpet were our beautiful Cinderella and Fairy Godmother, thanks to Emma Enchanted.Wynyardchandelier

blog cinderella and me

On entering the building, guests were greeted with a glass of bubbly and the Image captured bytalented Georgia Fletcher tinkling the keys of the piano in the main hall. We then made our way into the conservatory where all our amazing raffle prizes and auction lots were on display. With the help of my incredible family, raffle tickets were being sold left, right and centre; this excited me a lot. We had all Image captured by spent a lot of time ensuring the quality of the prizes; we were more than aware, the better the prizes, the more money we could raise for BTRC. I was busy trying to say hello to everyone arriving; it was such a joy to see Image captured bymy family, friends from many different walks of my life, and people that I had not even met before! To know they were all there to support me in my fundraising and to support BTRC was really humbling.

A highlight of the evening, I must say, was all thanks to Ryan Metcalfe. Ryan decided to get in touch with us after hearing about our plans, and he offered his services free of charge. These services turned out to be some of the most mind boggling sleight of hand magic! A huge fan of Dynamo myself, I always Image captured byfear for other magicians that they have so much to live up to, but my goodness, Ryan smashed it! All I could hear were gasps and laughter (and swear words) coming from our guests. From ludicrous card tricks, to the sheer impossible, Ryan truly did make our evening MAGICAL!  All down to his incredible generosity; Ryan, I thank you!

As dinner was ready to be served, we made our way into the ballroom; this is where we would be spending the remainder of ourBall tables evening. We ploughed through wine, our starter, more wine, our main course, more wine, our desert, a Image captured bycheeky glass slipper cocktail. I was beginning to get nervous when the cheesecake was served…a few mouthfuls in, and that was my cue to get up on stage and make my speech! EEEEEEEK! There was so much I wanted and simply needed to say! A majority of which was a heap load of thank you’s. As detailed on the evening, I could not stand up and thank absolutely everybody who has speechnot only supported me since my diagnosis, but had made a particular effort with helping me organise this ball, but I tried my best to acknowledge those present that evening. I think nerves slightly got the better of me and I possibly missed out a few; for this reason I feel like the best thing to say on this blog post is one big THANK YOU! That thank you goes out anyone who helped the event happen, all I need to say I suppose, is that you really do know who you are. To each and every one of you, I am so grateful for all your support; it would not have happened without you.

I am hoping (and I have already sent out a plea on facebook) that someone who attended the ball may have recorded my speech; I am sure I saw many camera phones up during my rambling. If you have it recorded, please can you get in touch with me?

Following my speech, I was more than delighted to introduce the room to Wendy Fulcher, the founder of BTRC. I was honoured to have her join us for the evening and to then join me on stage to make her own speech, informing everyone just how incredible this charity is. I then went back to my table, I wish I was informed of what was to come…a load of tears!

Wendy began her speech by reading out an email sent to her that morning by my consultant, Kevin O’Neill, and I feel I simply have to share this with you all:

I am sorry I cannot be at the Cinderella Ball but I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of at least sending a few words of thanks and commendation.

When I first met Anna I saw a young beautiful girl who had been hit from the side by this frightening diagnosis. She had everything to live for but was lost with very few options. I was instantly drawn to her energy and determination to fight this and do something positive and I think bringing together tonight’s Ball is a reflection of that. This is something I can identify and as her treating neurosurgeon we are now both in this battle together. I offered Anna a different path. One with options because she needed that, she deserved it and it was possible through our endeavours in research. There is always something to be done whether large or small to improve the outcome and overcome this condition. Some of that is at our fingertips now and some is in the pipeline for the future which leads to our fundamental goal in research.  To fight this disease until we have a cure. I refer to this as our battle against brain tumours which is one reason why we named it a campaign. So thank you Anna for your efforts and support, but in particular your bravery and determination. Lastly a big thank you to all here tonight for attending and offering your support and for joining this campaign.

Enjoy your evening

Kevin O’Neill

Consultant Neurosurgeon Head of Neurosurgery Imperial College Healthcare NHS Trust

I was so happy to hear Kevin’s words and I know he would have loved to have been at the ball also.

It was great for Wendy to share with us all, all about the charity and what it means to the charity to have our support. Within such a short space of time, less than 3 months, with the help of family, friends, and new friends, Wendy announced we have managed to raise over £12,000 already! (excluding money raised from the evening itself! ).

It was an honour to have Wendy join us and an honour listening to her speak so passionately about this campaign. I very much feel like I have made the right decision for me, in choosing BTRC as my chosen charity. It is so close to my heart and to be able to have such a great relationship with Wendy and Kevin, makes it feel even more right.

Tears wiped, it was time to hand over to my Dad and Sister; Auction and raffle time! As mentioned we were so fortunate that prizes were incredible thanks to more than generous donations! I was so overwhelmed by everyone’s involvement in the auction bidding! Auction lots ranged from a villa holiday in Spain, to 4 VIP Foo Fighters tickets, signed Artic Monkey’s and Noel Gallaghers High Flying Birds vinyl, to football memorabilia, to the most beautiful Cinderella Carriage Cake! Cinderella cakeMoney was flying in and in the auction alone we raised over £3000!!!! On a side note, some of that was spent on a present for me! Andy, my boyfriend, bought me the signed Miranda DVD!!!!!! EEEEEEEEP! IDOL ALERT…I was so chuffed, but he did get a telling off as well 😛 .

A huge shout out to my nephew, Edison, and my niece, Amber for having the highest raffle ticket sales! It was phenomenal, we managed to raise over £1000 in raffle tickets! To be fair, the top prize was a villa holiday in Florida!!! Along with a whole range of hamper prizes, Kindle Fire, hotel stays, afternoon tea for 4 at Wynyard, golf days the list really did go on and on….

Then it was PARTY TIME!!!!!! The part I had certainly been waiting for…I was desperate to get my dance on…and boy we all did! A highlight for me was oops upside your headeveryone dancing along to Oops Upside Your Head! – This was one of the inappropriate song choices for the evening! I walked on stage to Kylie Minogue Can’t Get you out of my Head, and then challenged everyone to beat my inappropriate song choice. Winner was Clever Trevor! (even though I do not think Trev is clever…or at least he won’t be clever soon!!!!!)

Midnight struck, and to mark the special moment in Cinderella’s story, instead of her having to leave, we chose to have a balloon drop instead! I chose to drop the balloons to the song Klingande by Jubel; including the appropriate lyrics “SAVE ME”.

balloon drop

Unfortunately 1am came around far too quickly for my liking! But everyone certainly seemed to have a great evening!Image captured by

On a personal level, it was amazing having so many loved ones there but also people I had not had the joy of meeting until the evening. It really made me realise how blessed I am to have SO many people supporting the Brain Tumour Research Campaign, and the campaign to help prolong my life!

It now feels extremely weird without having the ball to think about, but I am already on to my next fundraising mission; and it’s a BIG one, I tell you! I will reveal all as soon as I can.

All that I will finish with is another THANK YOU! I am one very lucky girl, who, with your help, raised a staggering £4934.70 that evening!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Me mum and dad

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POST 6: LET’S FACE UP TO IT…

So… it all went to plan and my recovery has been fabulous!!! Yippeeeeee!!!

I have already posted on the Facebook group page about this amazing new equipment, but for those who don’t follow the Inside My Head Facebook group….this may be a fascinating read!

MoS2 Template Master

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3015974/World-surgeons-spot-brain-tumour-bleeping-pen-Laser-helps-surgeons-tell-difference-healthy-cancerous-tissue.html?ito=social-twitter_mailonline

This probe trial at Imperial is partially funded by Brain Tumour Research Campaign, so it certainly excites me to think with the money we are raising/can raise together, what may come next!

The doctors were really happy with the resection and how my operation went and are more than happy with my speedy recovery! I am hoping that this is a sign of things to come and that my body is more than ready for the fight ahead!

Being completely honest, which I always will be when writing this blog….I am more nervous about this next stage; radiotherapy and chemotherapy! I know, unfortunately SO many people have to go through this kind of treatment, but I have been fortunate enough so far, that other than my seizures and recovering from my 2 operations, I have not really “felt ill” or “looked ill”, yes I have been tired every now again and I have listened to my body telling me this and it has faded reasonably quickly. However, I have been warned that the treatment will more than likely change this, although everyone is an individual, and will therefore react differently. I have been told that the radiotherapy will cause hair loss and tiredness, and the oral chemotherapy tablets may cause sickness. The treatment will be 6 and a half weeks long, Mon-Fri down in London.

As you can probably tell from my photos, my hair is important to me…..I have LOTS of it!! Even hairwhen I first found out about my prognosis and the shock of finding out it was terminal…..to me the hair loss was one of my main worries! I know this is prettyc4aae332c8b0395bac010cfb4dafcefa shallow in the grand scheme of things, and really should not be at the forefront of my mind…..but as I said, I am a very honest person and the thought of being bald most certainly was right there at the front waving at me! One of the BEST things to have happened to me since writing this blog has been getting to know people who are unfortunately on a similar journey to myself. It is at this point therefore that I simply HAVE to give a special mention to my beautiful, new friend, Charlotte. We are the same age, and have the same prognosis. Charlotte has had her treatment and my lord, she has given me a whole new outlook on losing my hair! To say she rocks a wig is a complete understatement! She looks HOT!!!! Even just receiving a message of support from Charlotte 3Charlotte and seeing her photos has made me so much more positive about this next stage for me; and for that, Charlotte, I thank you!!! Getting to know others, just like Charlotte, and the very many other amazingly Charlotte blondekind and strong people who have reached out to me since I started sharing my journey, has given me even MORE determination to make a difference!

I have decided I am going to take each radiotherapy session, each day, each week, as it comes. I do not want to rush in and shave all my hair off irrationally. If I lose a lot and having naturally thick hair means that my wig won’t sit as well unless I do shave it all off; then so be it! It’s another test of character for me and I can have the fun of experimenting with different colours/styles that I would never have had the balls to do normally!!! On the plus side for me, my sister is a pretty amazing hairdresser, so I am sure she will sort me out a treat! (Thanks sis!!! 😛 )

As for chemotherapy, I have been told that I may feel sick. I think I am in the frame of mind of preparing myself for the worst, whilst hoping for the best! Potentially for these 6.5 weeks I could be absolutely wiped out, shattered, sick, not want to see or even have the energy to see anyone/do anything. Or I could be okay during the beginning until the levels get higher towards the end of the treatment; or the fighting spirit in me so far may not find it as difficult as they are warning…..nobody knows until they do it!

Looking at it from a logistical angle, it is an emotional time. My treatment is in London; the majority of my family live in County Durham. I will miss them ALL an incredible amount and I am struggling to get my head around the fact that I won’t have my niece, Amber and her ridiculous one liners to keep Me and Amberme smiling day after day 😛 (get your snapchats at the ready, Amb!)! I am very fortunate in the fact that, everyone wants what is best for me and completely respects my decision, I feel a strong connection with the team at Charing Cross and their innovation and passion inspires me and I do not want to be out of their bubble of positivity, as I still truly believe my frame of mind, added to their passion, is helping me fight Trev! In the grand scheme of things, 6.5 weeks is not that long and I know I will have plenty of visitors. Also on my side is the fact that we have a family base in Hertfordshire; plan being, that this becomes my home for this period of time and, dependant on health, we get the train or we travel by car each day into London. I have the weekends available; so putting my ‘positive head’ on, I am hoping at least at the beginning, I can hop on a train back up to the North East. For once, having my family spread all over the country is a huge benefit!!! I will also be closer to my work colleagues in Portsmouth and will hopefully be able to use it as a time to reunite with those amazing ladies, again, health permitting.

GWQ Girls

I am trying my hardest not to predict the future at the moment, as there is too much uncertainty surrounding how I will feel, what I will want to do etc. so I need to take each day as it comes and go from there.

I am currently awaiting an appointment from the oncology team at Charing Cross to go and have my mask fitted ready to start my radiotherapy treatment.

If you are like me and had no clue what this meant, please view the Cancer Research UK information video below:

I have been told that the mask takes about 2-3 weeks to be made. I have just sat here and watched the video above with my mum….her first comment; “Wow, well there will be a big bit sticking up in the mask for your nose!!”, DELIGHTFUL MOTHER!!! 😛.  So my short term plan…make sure I am listening to my body and resting up when I need to, as my body will still be recovering from surgery, but most importantly, make the most of the next few weeks while I am feeling reasonably fine and dandy!

POST 5: THE LUCK OF THE IRISH…

What a week it has been!

Let’s approach this is a chronological manner, and I will try and fill you in on as much as possible…!

 

So on Sunday 15th March, I was lucky enough to be invited by Caterpillar (proud sponsors of Leicester Tigers) to watch the LV semi final match at Welford Road against Exeter, within the luxury of corporate hospitality! I felt very very very spoilt and loved every second of it (despite the result!). I took my gorgeous Mother along; it was Mother’s Day after all! (Sorry Dad :P). The week leading up to this game, one of my all time favourite Tigers, England and Lions player, Lewis Moody, had been kind enough to take the time to tweet me and retweet the link to my blog. It just so happened that he was one of the presenters of the SKY Sports TV coverage for this match. After he had finished his duties, I went over to thank him in person for his support on Twitter. What a lovely guy! He asked all about my journey and gave me a big hug and wished me luck for the op on the following Tuesday! Even more exciting….he is keen to get involved in some fundraising events with me in the future….TIGERS LEGEND! He kindly sported a BTRC charity wristband too!

me and lewis moody

 

So it was then, from Leicester to London! Getting ever nearer……

Monday Morning, we headed to Charing Cross hospital. As I have “difficult veins”, they wanted to ensure they could get a line in. Come the afternoon, I was scheduled to return to Hammersmith Hospital to have another go at taking part in their research trial scan. Due to my veins behaving themselves this time around, I was delighted to be able to take part in this scan. These research trials, can only happen, and therefore things can only be learnt and developed if people volunteer. I will provide all the links to the detail of this particular trial, so if relevant, please do take a moment to consider taking part.

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/trials/a-study-looking-at-pet-ct-scan-magnetic-resonance-spectroscopy-mrs-brain-tumours

The research team there were SO lovely, empathetic and genuinely grateful that I took the time to take part! To me, it is not even questionable….anything I can do to help with new methods, I will! If I am being totally honest, unlike MRI scans, this scan was almost completely silent – I used the 45 minutes in the scanning machine to have a nice nap and chill out away from the nervous thoughts of what was happening the next day! To top it all off….I was given Oreo biscuits when it was all finished! (cushtyyyy!!)

Then it all began to sink in….back to Charing Cross we went! However, as my bed still wasn’t ready. I saw this as an opportunity to escape and eat! (I had been ‘nil by mouth’ for the day because of the trial scan). Conveniently, there is a Pizza Express across the road from Charing Cross hospital….using my puppy dog eyes, I managed to persuade the parentals that this was perfect timing to go and eat dinner (“the last supper” as I was inappropriately calling it!!!). Chicken pizza it was! I must have looked like a right numpty! 2 canulars in, sticky tracing pads for the op stuck all over my head and scalp….GIVE ME FOOD!!! It was a pizza expressdelightful dinner, and it was very nice to escape from the hospital for half an hour or so. And on our return, my bed was ready! 11 South, K Bay, bed 4. My stomach started to sink a little bit….I knew the time was nearing for my parents to leave so they were ready for the long day tomorrow. It had been suggested several times that I would either be first or second on the list for my operation, so it would be an early start. All my comfy clothes unpacked, that time did come, and emotion hit me quite hard. ONE MORE SLEEP!!!! I said goodnight to them both and got settled in my bed (after playing with the remote for quite a while – hospital perks!) I was so fortunate that K Bay was filled with 2 absolute lovely ladies opposite my bed, who certainly helped take my mind off the nerves that evening. Nikki and Jade, a special thank you to you both. I hope you are continuing to recover well!! Although a late arrival to our bay made me struggle to get to sleep early, all things considered, I did sleep quite well, when I managed to put my phone down and stop reading everyone’s wonderful messages of support!

 

Tuesday 17th March,  I was woken at about 6am! IT’S OPERATION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy mac n’ cheese!

op day!!!

I was given my meds and a sexy lil gown and seductive knee high socks. I made my way to the bathroom and the transformation was complete! (*insert sexy hospital selfies*)

pre op

hospital socks

I was told to expect to be seen by one of the anaesthetists soon and that I should expect to be taken to theatre about 8.30/9ish as I was numero uno on the theatre list!

Fortunately my parents arrived about 7.30 ish and were allowed by my bedside (calming my nerves???/I reckon more nervous than me!!!!). 8.30am arrived, and the hard part began…the saying goodbye (although I knew it was not a “goodbye” – it was still awful) I could feel the tears brewing and I could see my parents getting upset too! Nikki and Jade wished me all the best and I tried all the deep breathing techniques I have ever heard of to try and stop myself from becoming a hysterical mess! I kept blowing kisses to my mum and dad and telling them I love them through the glass window. I have never felt so guilty as I did at that moment in time. I knew how helpless they would feel – it was alright for me! – I was heading off for a cushty 4 hour sleep! They would have 6 hours or so of desperate worrying, overthinking and fear.

Theatre number 7! That was my destination. Although I am not a particularly superstitious person….and apart from my date of birth, I have never really had a lucky number….all of a sudden I remember thinking to myself: lucky number 7!!!!!

I was taken into the anaesthetic room within the theatre awaiting the arrival of the second anaesthetist to put me to sleep. This felt like the longest wait EVER! I was lying there, without my glasses on (so blind as a BAT) but could kind of see movement in the theatre ahead through the glass windows in the door. The huge significance of what was about to happen all of a sudden hit me! I started crying my eyes out and if I am honest, I felt like a real idiot! I even found myself apologising to the anaesthetist who was trying to get everything ready as I did not want to be that person! I asked for a tissue and had a word with myself! “Trust your gut, Anna! Everything is going to be fine!!!” The second anaesthetist then arrived and he very quickly said, right, time to get you off to sleep! The last thing I remember was this guy telling me a story about how the tissue I had clenched in my hand from blowing my nose and wiping away my tears would fall out of my hand and that he knew lots of old ladies who always used to have tissues clenched in their hands….I think this happened at least!

That’s me done…..over to my surgical team!

The next thing I remember was feeling very sick when I was coming around….I think I was still in the theatre at this point and was advised to try and hold it down if I could. I then remember being in recovery. Constant observations being taken to ensure I was okay after surgery. What’s my name, What’s my DOB, Where am I? What date is it? Etc. A young guy who was looking after me in recovery was an absolute babe – and I have a serious feeling I absolutely chatted his ear off! I remember asking several times what his name was, because he was so nice and I wanted to make sure his amazing care was acknowledged; he was only learning the ropes on recovery as well! Unfortunately, despite my many attempts…..I cannot remember his name for the life of me! If by any remarkable chance it was you, I thank you so much! You made me feel so comfortable, reassured, calm and like you were my mate! Kevin also popped in to see how I was getting on, he asked me how I felt; I said ROUGH!; He said it would feel like I have a horrific hangover!; I remember saying to him, “What?! That is not fair though….I have had no fun!” I would happily take a horrific hangover if the party has been a top one! I was so worried that my parents would think I was still in theatre as well, and not just chilling in recovery, so I called in a favour! I asked Kevin if he would let my parents know I was okay….not like he is a busy neuro surgeon or anything, is it Anna!?! He said of course, and asked where he would find them; I had no clue and then went on to recite my dad’s mobile number! Kev being the legend he is, of course rang and filled them in! It was nice to know that they would be relieved to hear that I was okay!

Me being my witty self as well :/, I was getting quite bored of the nurses constatntly asking me the orientation questions detailed above, so I decided to mix things up a little bit! When asked what date it was, I decided to respond, saying “Its St. Patrick’s Day, that’s why I am still alive and the operation went so well; I had the luck of the Irish!!!”. They looked at me as if to say “WTF?!” I then felt the need to explain that I was just as weird before the op!!!

To add even more hilarity to this situation….I will fill you in on a little secret: I genuinely had a little Irish leprechaun in my handbag to give me good luck. Anna Doherty I blame you!!! My best friend/twin Anna had visited Dublin a few weeks beforehand and bought me home a little souvenir! As soon as I saw it, I swore I would take him with me into hospital. He bloody worked!!!

Unfortunately, it took a few hours to be moved from recovery back up to the ward, but I can remember seeing my parents and saying I am fine and I cannot even begin to think about tricking you that anything is wrong with me post op….I LOVE YOU!!! Seeing their faces again was so amazing! I was on the same ward, just a post op bay, where you get more regular observations etc. It was all done! I survived! And by the looks of things so far, no problems! My parents said that Kevin had told them he could not have wished for the operation to have gone as well as it did! Roughly 3cm X 4cm of Trev has done one! WOOOOOOOOP! TAKE THAT TREV!!!

hospital bed

I had a card left on my bed side – Nikki one of the lovely ladies I left on K bay that morning, had been discharged and had left me a lovely, thoughtful note wishing me a speedy recovery! The tears started again, and then all of the overwhelming feelings of joy, luck etc. came over me! And I felt so normal! It was bizarre! I just had major brain surgery and yet, i felt, all things considered, fine! I remember my mouth and lips were soooo dry and throat was sore, from having tubes in during the operation. I was desperately searching for my Vaseline pot!!!!

I had to have observations every 30mins for the next 6 hours, so although very very tired, my sleep unfortunately had to keep being disturbed. Wednesday was the worst day to date. I never knew it was possible to feel so ill as I did! I had nausea from the moment i woke up and unfortunately was violently sick post opthe majority of the day. I felt so weak, my head (no surprise) was banging, but being sick had put even more strain on my headache. I had a fever in the night, my chest was tight, and I was seen by a doctor. She decided to run some xrays on my chest and abdomen, to rule out any infection/collapsed lung. Fortunately, my fever calmed down and no problems were highlighted through these XRays.

I was so blessed, my best friend, Anna, and one of my best friends from university, Livvymy baeOlivia (an air hostess now living in Abu Dhabi, conveniently had a rescheduled flight landing in London on Thursday Morning) and two of my cousins, Ian and Holly were able to come and visit me in hospital – so this certainly brightened up my days!!!

Once I had got through Wednesday, everything else seemed like a walk in the park! I was seen by the physio on Thursday, and I was able to get out of bed, get the drain out of my head wound, catheter out, I COULD WALK!!! Hallelujah!! This was a massive step forward for me (no pun intended)…being able to sit up and get out of bed made me feel so much better. Lying flat in bed all the time, had made my chest feel really tight and breathing was becoming slightly difficult. It was also not helping the swelling on my face or on my right eye. The more I am upright, the quicker this will fade.

quote

I took about half an hour sat there on my bed observing everyone else on my ward. I actually got quite emotional, one lady was severely struggling with her speech and could not tell the nurses what she wanted etc. She was having to point to letters on a laminated card to spell out what she was trying to say. I sat there feeling so (I know I say this all the time), but genuinely BLESSED! I could not imagine losing the ability to talk and express myself; what a brave lady. I wish her all the best and hope that it may have only been a short term side effect of her operation.

However “well” I was feeling, I knew how important it was to get my rest. I was sleeping the majority of the days away and always felt better after this invaluable rest. The doctors came around again on Friday morning and asked if I felt ready to go home. I just wanted to ensure that I had another day of no sickness. (I could not imagine feeling how I did on Wednesday and not being in hospital). I was visited by the physios again and tackled a flight of stairs – felt like I was bossing this recovery malarkey! Friday evening, albeit quite late on (about 10ish) I was discharged!!!!!

This part of my brain tumour journey was over!

I have an outpatients appointment booked for Thursday 26th March in the morning, to find out exactly how the operation went, what they have found out (histology report). I will also hear about what they plan to do to Trev next! Boom, let’s keep going!!!

I thought it was a bit stupid travelling all the way back up to County Durham to come back down again on Wednesday night, ready for Thursday morning. So although desperately missing my mad clan back up in the North East, I am chilling out in Hertfordshire this week and by chilling, I mean constantly napping!

So I am getting a few funny looks off people…fortunately, not much of my hair has been shaved off at all staples(Kevin was true to his word) but I do have a lot of staples in my head, my face is slightly swollen still and I wake up with a bruised eye. But do you know what….I could nobruised eyet care LESS! I am so lucky to have been able to have this operation in the first place, for it to have gone so smoothly, and to have the unconditional support of all my loved ones.

As I was getting slightly more with it, I ventured back on to the Inside My Head Facebook page…..this made me feel even more blessed than I felt post op! The amount of messages I had received over those few days- WOW! I can only apologise that I obviously will not be able to reply to everything all you wonderful people have sent! That Facebook page has now got waaayyy over 2k likes! Furthermore, my JustGiving page target of £1000 had been smashed….I have decided to up this target to £5000 now, I hope I am not being to unrealistic, and I see this as a more long term goal. I cannot thank all of you enough who have already been beyond kind and donated to BTRC! IF you haven’t already….let’s put it this way…It’s amazing to actually type this out, but nearly 30k people have taken time out of their days to read my blog now (WOW WOW WOW), if one sixth of you donated just £1, thats £5000 raised, right there, and that is a hell of a lot of research that can be funded to save lives, just like mine!

POST 4: AHHH HE IS ACTUALLY GOING INSIDE MY HEAD….

As many of you may know if you have read my posts below….I am scheduled to have my brain surgery (partial resection) on Tuesday! Today is Friday….that leaves me with FOUR days until op day (*dramatic music*)

I wanted to post today just to try and get some of my nervous thoughts and energy out of my system and to try and give an insight into some of the worries that are going through my head. I want to use it to vent some of the uncertainty that is all built up inside of me, so then for the next few days I can put all those worries into a little box, pack it away and try to keep myself as busy as possible until Monday when I will be admitted to Charing Cross.

I am very much aware, particularly with the help from the lovely ladies at the Maggie’s Centre at the Freemans Hospital, Newcastle, that there is no point worrying about things that are completely out of my control, as it all just spirals out of control! If you have not come across the work of the Maggie’s Centre before, they are INCREDIBLE!

Built in the grounds of NHS cancer hospitals, Maggie’s Centres are places with professional staff on hand to offer the support people need and there are now 17 centres across the UK. I have now been to a few Brain Tumour specific support groups at the Freemans hospital Centre, and just popped in to relax and have a chat in between hospital appointments at the Centre at Charing Cross. The session I attended last month at the Maggie’s Centre has been able to help me a lot this past week….we spoke about how to deal with uncertainty, of which there has been, and still is A LOT of in my life at the moment. This session was invaluable to me, particularly as I am a complete and utter control freak and I hate not knowing exactly what is going on. Although having had discussions with my “super surgeon”, Kevin O’Neill, I still don’t really exactly know what is going to happen, how much pain I will be in afterwards, how big my scar will be, how much hair they will have to shave off, if there will be any major side effects….the list goes on.

The lovely ladies at the Freeman’s Maggie’s Centre explained how sometimes questioning each and every one of these worries and uncertainties can be detrimental to my positive outlook, because the likelihood is, that I don’t have the answers and these things are completely out of my control. Thereforee9dfb595a8289e373c0c7fb169eeb036 what it is better and more beneficial to concentrate on, is the things, albeit how small, that I can control. Writing my blog and using this as a means to release my thoughts is in my control, remaining as positive and upbeat as possible is in my control, and making a difference is in my control (with your support of course)….and that is the path I have chosen to follow!

Right, so control freak Anna – let’s use this post to vent my worries:

I think my main worry, that may seem silly to some of you who have had operations under general anaesthetic before, is the thought of not waking up! I have never had general anaesthetic before – my first biopsy operation was awake surgery; I was lightly sedated and had local anaesthetic injected into my scalp. The control freak that I am, I was weirdly quite thankful for being awake, as I knew exactly what was going on, even if I did have to endure the ridiculous noise of the drill :/!! Although the prospect of being awake during brain surgery seemed to freak everyone else out, I am in fact more nervous about being asleep this time around. The operation is due to take about 3-4 hours I have been told and I have been told to expect to be kept in a further 3-4 days to recover.

There are obviously risks, as with any major surgery, which again, if I dwell on would probably drive me insane and lead me to call off the operation all together! The main risk I have been warned of is that I may lose movement or feeling in the left hand side of my body. Currently, this doesn’t worry  me too much – to me, this is a small price to pay to potentially be able to live and spend a few more months/a year/years with the incredible people in my life. It would obviously affect my day to day life for the time I do have left, but I am almost positive this won’t be the case…always trust your gut instincts – see I do listen to you, Mother!

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I do, bizarrely, feel very lucky to be in the position I am in, in terms of finding Kevin, and him being keen and confident to operate and partially resect a sizeable chunk of the Trev. Taking this into account, I am quite excited to undergo the surgery and see what kind of a difference, if any, it can make to my progress, future treatment results (i.e radiotherapy), and my prognosis . I am hoping to up the ante on the score card front and it look more like Anna 2 – Trev 0.

Taking all of that out of the picture, and just being completely emotional….I AM SO NERVOUS!! I think it is only hitting me at certain times, on certain days, what on earth has gone on, is going on and what will be happening next week! It really is crazy! I am a bit worried as I haven’t had a breakdown over the past week and a half. Comments and messages I have received off the back of my blog etc have made me shed tears, but mainly because I cannot get over the kindness of my family, friends, blasts from the past, or complete strangers! But an absolute sob, I haven’t had. Although, as I am sure you have got the gist of by now, I am a very positive and strong person, I also believe it is important to be weak at times and have a good cry….although it helps with nothing, changes nothing, everyone needs to have an emotional release to keep you sane! I wonder if one is due to arrive before Tuesday…?!

When I was coming around from my biopsy operation at the beginning of February, I could not control the tears. I was lying in my hospital bed, with either my Mum or Dad in the seat beside me so I could grasp on to their hand (they took shifts so their hand didn’t end up falling off! ). I would be lying there, head throbbing from the surgery, but perfectly quiet and calm, eyes shut, and the next minute, tears would be streaming down my face! And this would then have a domino effect on the parent in the chair! The people on my ward must have thought we were absolute nutters! The emotion just crept up on me each time and came from absolutely nowhere. At least this time I am prepared for the tears to turn up without warning!

Speaking of my parents, I am fortunate, particularly with my surgery being in London, that they are both 7c30dc9a4a71e4c3b3c33bbcb05450e3going to be able to be with me the whole of next week. I hate, more than anything, trying to imagine myself in their shoes, particularly when I am wheeled away on my bed and during the 3-4 hours when I am in surgery. The worry they must and will experience is horrible to think of. Furthermore, with my surgery being in London, the remainder of my family will not be able to visit me in hospital due to us all living up in the North East. Again, I don’t like thinking about what they will be going through and how helpless they will feel being so far away. Although I know these scenarios are not my fault and are completely out of my control, I almost feel like I am inflicting these horrible feelings on to the ones I love the most and a feeling of guilt creeps up on me when I think about it too much

On a lighter note, if anyone has any suggestions for how I can wind up my loved ones when I do come out of surgery fine, I would appreciate any ideas on a postcard!…. I was thinking of, as I heard it has happened…to pretend that I can only speak a foreign language (leaning towards mandarin as they would have no clue if what I was saying is right anyway – and I was learning mandarin at work before my diagnosis!).

If I have to think of the worst scenario, and if anything is to go completely wrong (again, I know it won’t – gut feelings are the best), I just hope that I am still in a position, health wise, to be able to keep raising awareness and money for brain tumours and BTRC. If I am not, PLEASE continue to help this cause so that in the future, nobody has to even contemplate processing these types of thoughts that are going through my head right now.

Thank you for lending me your ears today, and I will be sure to make my sister, Victoria, (would hate to see my parents have a go at uploading anything on here) updates you all when I have come around from my operation.

me and sis

I have a general Just Giving Page now, so for those who feel so inclined….Even if it just a £ 1 donation, I will be so grateful!!!!

DONATE HERE

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POST 3: EXCITING UPDATES!

So folks, news just in…..well several pieces of news in fact:

  • My operation is scheduled for Tuesday 17th March. I will be admitted in to Charing Cross hospital on Monday 16th March, following on from my scans this coming Monday (9th March). So best offers being taken for my Usher tickets that got delivered today! (*SOBS*)!

OH MY GOODNESS! It’s all feeling real now! I wanted to let you all know as soon as possible, but I am planning on writing a more detailed blog post in the lead up to the operation, at some point next week.

  • Had some fab news yesterday also, my Facebook page for Inside my head, reached over 1000 likes in under one week – INCREDIBLE!  If you are not already following my journey on there also, please do.

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  • So my amazing friend Toni McLeod is doing a sky dive in aid of my chosen charity Brain Tumour Research Campaign. What a BABE!!!!

She has set herself the target of raising £800, but I think you amazing people can help us smash that target and smash Trev right in the face ! Please give as much or as little as you possibly can…..now it’s time to start making a REAL difference – let’s beat brain cancer!!!!!!!IMG-20150307-WA0019

Here’s her Just Giving page where you can donate.

The ball will take place on Saturday, May 2nd at Wynyard Hall, Stockton on Tees, TS22 5NF. With the help of my family’s company, Lox of Love Ltd, we are organising Cinderella’s Charity Ball at Wynyard Hall to raise funds for the Brain Tumour Research Campaign. This is a charity (as you may have already read) headed up by my fantastic neuro consultant, Kevin O’Neill, who, along with his dedicated team of neuro specialists, is doing all he can to give me the best prognosis possible. All funds raised will go to raising awareness of brain cancer (often called the Cinderella Cancer for being overlooked and under-researched) and in researching brain tumours in the hope of improving outcomes for all.

Our Cinderella Ball is a black tie event, including a 3 course meal, reception drinks, an auction, raffle, entertainment, dancing and more and we look forward to seeing you all there.

Tickets are priced at £45.00 (+ booking fee) and can be purchased here: http://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/cinderellas-charity-ball-tickets-16046388179?aff=affiliate1

10 people per table on the evening – If you would like to book a full table of 10 please contact us directly, ideally through Facebook – link to the event is here. Any further questions, do not hesitate to ask!

Apologies for bombarding you with information…..but I ask you to help me out with everything we have going on! Without your support, I cannot achieve my goal of making a difference.

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Thank you as ever!

All my love, Anna xxx