Positive Anna is trying very hard to remain positive!!!
Chemo month number 2 has been hard, and different to the previous month – which I suppose it may well be month on month? (Although, some consistency would be warmly welcomed!). Very, very drowsy again with little energy, but I have been able to time my naps perfectly well to coincide with the gorgeous new addition to our family, Enid. We have played for hours, half hours, then she is shattered, just the same as me, and we nap together! She is my little ray of sunshine at the moment (even if she does like to nip me every now and again with her razor sharp teeth!!).
This week has been particularly exciting – For those of you who do not have access to my Facebook page, Inside My Head, I had the delight of being asked to be interviewed for BBC Look North on August 25th 2015.
Andrew and Sue arrived at our house (both lovely people may I add) ready to film. I presumed it may feature in the news in a few days; but it was for that night! EEEEEEEK!! Andrew wanted me to just explain my situation, why I went on to write this blog, and how I then went on to fundraise for BTRC. Although not a formal interview, I had never been filmed for television before and I was very nervous! And what do I do when I am nervous?… I talk… ALOT! So I think it turned out okay? And, at the end of the day I am slowly but surely achieving my aim of raising awareness. Please see a dodgy phone recording below:
I am looking forward to the weekend and trying to rest up today (28th August) – as it is quite a busy one!
Tomorrow, Ryan Metcalfe, the amazing magician from our Cinderella Charity Ball, is hosting a live magic stage show “Smoke and Mirrors”. Even better than that, he has decided to do the show in aid of BTRC! – So, so, so kind!
Sunday sees the Nissan Family Day, where my boyfriend, Andy, works. This is something that is done every year, however this year, Nissan have decided to try and raise money for BTRC alongside. Andy, joined by other colleagues, are playing in a charity football match, there is a raffle, and music and entertainment – let’s just hope for some nice sunshine pleaseeeeeeee! I am particularly excited as Union J, boy band from the X Factor, are performing on the day – guilty pleasure alert!!!!
I am hoping that I can get at least a few days of feeling okay before I start my third month of chemo – so please keep your fingers crossed for me!
Well, reports in, it was a fantastic weekend – Ryan’s show, unsurprisingly, was brilliant! And it was a sunny day at the family day, Andy’s football team won 6-1, and a hell of a lot of money was raised for BTRC!
Time just seems to be flying at the moment and, time wise, my blog post is all over the place – I was in hospital all day on Tuesday (8th September) and now I am back on chemo month 3. Registration for the Paris Marathon opened again this week (w/c 7th September) and people have begun signing up for it to run with me to help create the team I so desperately want alongside me to ensure we raise as much money as possible and make the fondest of memories while we are at it! If anyone has any queries, wants to know more, please do not be afraid to contact me – I won’t take it as a definite yes and force you to run 26.2 miles! I promise!
I think the reality of it is hitting me now – I am only on month 3/12 of chemo, which obviously means come April 3rd 2016, marathon day, I will still be on chemo! But I tell you what, I am determined! I know it sounds so cliché, but seriously, if I can find the energy in me to train and do this – SO CAN YOU 🙂 and I would be so honoured to add many more to our team of “runners” (I certainly cannot describe myself as a “runner” yet, hence the inverted commas 😛 ) .
Other than being given my chemo for this month, I also had another MRI scan to check the progression of this new growth/swelling seen on my last scans. Although not seeming 100% sure/positive, it certainly was not bad news this time round. They seem pretty adamant now, that the additional shading on my scan is in fact what they call pseudo progression – which from what I understand of it, is swelling from treatment, not the growth of Trev as they originally thought and were severely concerned about. They said what makes this even clearer is the perfusion scan I had done, which showed this new area as being “cold” – not having blood vessels running through it; tumour tissue would need a heavy blood supply. So this is a relief – although, as mentioned, I cannot get too excited/happy about this for some reason. I think I am so used to hearing such terrible news for the past 9 months that I don’t trust the good news anymore. I know I will never be told Trev has done one, I know Trev will never shrink, I know he’s in it for the long haul – so I won’t ever get that feeling of hearing the words “you are in remission” – to be honest, having met people even in that position, you are never truly free of cancer; friends I have met along the way, have talked of how hard it is adjusting to a life in remission and the fear of it coming back. Cancer is basically a ****!
But yes, positive Anna says ,this is positive news! 🙂
I wanted to just put some feelers out there today as well – I have locked myself away in my room while I write this blog post today as I could sense myself getting more and more snappy with my Mum; my amazing, gorgeous, most caring and supportive Mum, whom I love dearly. The effects that these drugs are having on my moods are becoming really apparent to me now; I literally find myself having no patience whatsoever. The main thing I am struggling to come to terms with, is that I don’t have my own life anymore – I have to live through other people, constantly reliant on others. I can’t just go and get in my car and drive somewhere random, or go and see my friends. Even things like my degree are getting to me, 2 years down the line; I worked SO hard to achieve my first class honours and I have mentioned before that I had such a drive to be successful in my career – that seems to have been wasted. I completely understand other people have their own problems in their lives that are a really big deal – but I find myself wanting to shake them and scream in their face that, in reality, when put in to perspective, they are being idiots and it really doesn’t matter!!!
SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU ARE MOANING AGAIN AND BEING A B*TCH!
No, what I wanted to ask is, if any of you had/are having/ knew or know someone who had similar issues with mood swings and attitude? Do I need to accept the fact I am just not being a very nice person when I have to remove myself from situations so as not to say anything to offend someone? Or is this quite a normal side effect of what I am going through and all the drugs I am taking?
Thank you for taking time out to read that rant… I meant it in the most positive way possible! 🙂
Before I go I just wanted to share this little story I found on Facebook the other day, a grandmother places carrots, an egg, and coffee into water and allows to boil . As many of you may know I am a big kid and do not like drinking hot drinks, however in this case, I would like to most definitely like to see myself as coffee…