POST 15: I HOPE THERE WON’T BE A HOLE IN MY BUCKET, DEAR LIZA, DEAR LIZA…

Bucket list

Now, this was a post I didn’t think I would ever write on here, actually. But, the more I thought about why I didn’t want to, the less and less justification I had to not. I know these days, a lot of people choose to write bucket lists – illness or no illness – and to those people I say GOOD ON YOU! Why not have aspirations? Why not have crazy dreams – even unrealistic ones? If you are striving to achieve that dream – surely that is what living your dream is all about? Life really is too short – LIVE IT!

Personally, I have always had ideas in my head of things I would like to do and achieve in my life – however, I did set my sights on my life, and time span to be able to do such things, being a hell of a lot longer than what is currently envisaged.

I thought I would share at least a few of the things I would like to do before Trev ruins everything. These are not in any particular order of importance, some are a bit ridiculous, and I have left the more personal, emotional dreams and goals out for now. I hope to also add to this post as more things spring to mind!

  • Go on the Lions Rugby Tour of New Zealand in 2017 – As many of you will know from reading my blog, or following my page on Facebook, I am a huge rugby fan. My team Leicester Tigers have been part of my life since I was 8 years old, and I have had some amazing experiences with my family as a result of following our team. The Rugby World Cup being over here this year is amazing! I am thoroughly enjoying 8e111bcc4a4f05883dfd9f2f0be126cfwatching all the games on television and even more so, RIDICULOUSLY excited to be going to 2 of the matches as well! As far as international rugby is concerned, my allegiance is slightly blurred. I always support the Tigers players who are called up to international duty, for no matter what team. I support England, but my main team, due to my Dad’s upbringing, is Wales. I have been fortunate to watch live international rugby, many times; but my dream? My dream is to watch the British and Irish Lions, I wouldn’t have to worry about my split allegiance then. In 2017, they will be touring New Zealand – WOW! I am just hoping that before 2017 I will be well enough to work again so I can save enough money to go – Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me please?!
  • Have a taste of my dream job as Rugby Pitch side Reporter/Sports Presenter – Linked in with my love of rugby and sport in general, I have always said I want “to be the next Gabby Logan” or the like. I think being able to combine a true passion in your line of work, must be a real joy.
  • See Britney Spears perform in her Las Vegas residency – I am and always will be a huge Britney fan. I saw her back in 2000 I think it was on her “Oops I did it again” tour…back in the day where I had to be accompanied by an adult – my Dad was the one that had to drag himself to see Britney in that red oops i did it againleather cat suit (the things you do for your children ey Dad?! 😛 ). Since my diagnosis I have had to do a lot of travelling up and down the country – many of which I have been chauffeured by my boyfriend Andy. To make these journeys a bit more entertaining we have downloaded a lot of new music – well, and Britney Spears greatest hits. Andy has endured many hours of Britney karaoke and I have loved every second (unsure about Andy’s feelings!) – her songs and singing along to them takes me back to those days growing up without a care in the world, singing in front of my mirror, and doing all the dance routines thinking I was her! In this hour or so of Britney karaoke, I am happy and care free. Imagine being able to have that feeling but in VEGAS!!!!!!! My main concern to be able to tick this off my bucket list is the cost – the flights etc. in themselves would be expensive, but then I would seriously have to consider travel insurance for the USA.
  • See my best friends get married – Now I didn’t want to make this bucket list too emotional and deep. However, the one thing that had to be included is the happiness of my best friends. I hope I can live long enough to see my closest friends get married – to people I have obviously approved of first :P, they will certainly not be exempt of the best friend testing!
  • Coachella Festival – So this bucket list isn’t really doing things on a small scale. If I could get to Coachella, I don’t think I would even care about the line up!!!
  • Appear on Innuendo Bingo on BBC Radio 1 Scott Mills show with Chris Stark – Scott Mills and Chris Stark have me in stitches of laughter every time I listen to their show (which I have done for many years!). My favourite part of their show has to be Innuendo Bingo. Maybe this is due to my ridiculous immaturity and, let’s be honest, love of Chris Stark.
  • Complete a marathon – Well I cannot believe I am saying this, but this is already set to become a reality!Marathon numberI just have the teeny weeny incy wincy matter of doing all the training and running it!!! I have signed up to run the Paris Marathon in 2016 – I will still be on my 12 month cycle of chemotherapy, and I have never run before in my life! I know it will be a challenge and a half, but I cannot wait to feel that sense of achievement.
  • Raise at least £100,000 for Brain Tumour Research Campaign – As you all know, I made it my mission to turn this awful diagnosis for me, into something positive for my diagnosis, for others suffering, and for those who may be affected in the future. I was, I am and I always will be determined to channel this negativity into a positive outcome. I chose to fundraise for BTRC and I know, first hand, how vital their research is. With the help of you incredible supporters who have chosen so selflessly to join this campaign, I have to date raised over £30, 000 – and I will not stop until my last breath to keep this amount ticking over!

POST 14: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, NOT YOUR PROBLEMS

Positive Anna is trying very hard to remain positive!!!

Chemo month number 2 has been hard, and different to the previous month – which I suppose it may well Enid sleepingbe month on month? (Although, some consistency would be warmly welcomed!). Very, very drowsy again with little energy, but I have been able to time my naps perfectly well to coincide with the gorgeous new addition to our family, Enid. We have played for hours, half hours, then she is shattered, just the same as me, and we nap together! She is my little ray of sunshine at the moment (even if she does like to nip me every now and again with her razor sharp teeth!!).

Enid cute

This week has been particularly exciting – For those of you who do not have access to my Facebook page, Inside My Head, I had the delight of being asked to be interviewed for BBC Look North on August 25th 2015.

Andrew and Sue arrived at our house (both lovely people may I add) ready to film. I presumed it may feature in the news in a few days; but it was for that night! EEEEEEEK!! Andrew wanted me to just explain my situation, why I went on to write this blog, and how I then went on to fundraise for BTRC. Although not a formal interview, I had never been filmed for television before and I was very nervous! And what do I do when I am nervous?… I talk… ALOT! So I think it turned out okay? And, at the end of the day I am slowly but surely achieving my aim of raising awareness. Please see a dodgy phone recording below:

I am looking forward to the weekend and trying to rest up today (28th August) – as it is quite a busy one!

Tomorrow, Ryan Metcalfe, the amazing magician from our Cinderella Charity Ball, is hosting a live magic stage show “Smoke and Mirrors”. Even better than that, he has decided to do the show in aid of BTRC! – So, so, so kind!

Sunday sees the Nissan Family Day, where my boyfriend, Andy, works. This is something that is done every year, however this year, Nissan have decided to try and raise money for BTRC alongside. Andy, joined by other colleagues, are playing in a charity football match, there is a raffle, and music and entertainment – let’s just hope for some nice sunshine pleaseeeeeeee! I am particularly excited as Union J, boy band from the X Factor, are performing on the day – guilty pleasure alert!!!!

 

I am hoping that I can get at least a few days of feeling okay before I start my third month of chemo – so please keep your fingers crossed for me!

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Well, reports in, it was a fantastic weekend – Ryan’s show, unsurprisingly, was brilliant! And it was a sunny day at the family day, Andy’s football team won 6-1, and a hell of a lot of money was raised for BTRC!

Time just seems to be flying at the moment and, time wise, my blog post is all over the place – I was in hospital all day on Tuesday (8th September) and now I am back on chemo month 3. Registration for the Paris Marathon opened again this week (w/c 7th September) and people have begun signing up for it to run with me to help create the team I so desperately want alongside me to ensure we raise as much money as possible and make the fondest of memories while we are at it! If anyone has any queries, wants to know more, please do not be afraid to contact me – I won’t take it as a definite yes and force you to run 26.2 miles! I promise!

I think the reality of it is hitting me now – I am only on month 3/12 of chemo, which obviously means come April 3rd 2016, marathon day, I will still be on chemo! But I tell you what, I am determined! I know it sounds so cliché, but seriously, if I can find the energy in me to train and do this – SO CAN YOU 🙂 and I would be so honoured to add many more to our team of “runners” (I certainly cannot describe myself as a “runner” yet, hence the inverted commas 😛 ) .

Other than being given my chemo for this month, I also had another MRI scan to check the progression of this new growth/swelling seen on my last scans. Although not seeming 100% sure/positive, it certainly was not bad news this time round. They seem pretty adamant now, that the additional shading on my scan is in fact what they call pseudo progression – which from what I understand of it, is swelling from treatment, not the growth of Trev as they originally thought and were severely concerned about. They said what makes this even clearer is the perfusion scan I had done, which showed this new area as being “cold” – not having blood vessels running through it; tumour tissue would need a heavy blood supply. So this is a relief – although, as mentioned, I cannot get too excited/happy about this for some reason. I think I am so used to hearing such terrible news for the past 9 months that I don’t trust the good news anymore. I know I will never be told Trev has done one, I know Trev will never shrink, I know he’s in it for the long haul – so I won’t ever get that feeling of hearing the words “you are in remission” – to be honest, having met people even in that position, you are never truly free of cancer; friends I have met along the way, have talked of how hard it is adjusting to a life in remission and the fear of it coming back. Cancer is basically a ****!

But yes, positive Anna says ,this is positive news! 🙂

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I wanted to just put some feelers out there today as well – I have locked myself away in my room while I write this blog post today as I could sense myself getting more and more snappy with my Mum; my amazing, gorgeous, most caring and supportive Mum, whom I love dearly. The effects that these drugs are having on my moods are becoming really apparent to me now; I literally find myself having no patience whatsoever. The main thing I am struggling to come to terms with, is that I don’t have my own life anymore – I have to live through other people, constantly reliant on others. I can’t just go and get in my car and drive somewhere random, or go and see my friends. Even things like my degree are getting to me, 2 years down the line; I worked SO hard to achieve my first class honours and I have mentioned before that I had such a drive to be successful in my career – that seems to have been wasted. I completely understand other people have their own problems in their lives that are a really big deal – but I find myself wanting to shake them and scream in their face that, in reality, when put in to perspective, they are being idiots and it really doesn’t matter!!!

SNAP OUT OF IT, YOU ARE MOANING AGAIN AND BEING A B*TCH!

No, what I wanted to ask is, if any of you had/are having/ knew or know someone who had similar issues with mood swings and attitude? Do I need to accept the fact I am just not being a very nice person when I have to remove myself from situations so as not to say anything to offend someone? Or is this quite a normal side effect of what I am going through and all the drugs I am taking?

Thank you for taking time out to read that rant… I meant it in the most positive way possible! 🙂

Before I go I just wanted to share this little story I found on Facebook the other day, a grandmother places carrots, an egg, and coffee into water and allows to boil . As many of you may know I am a big kid and do not like drinking hot drinks, however in this case, I would like to most definitely like to see myself as coffee…

Thoughtful story